var thoughts=new Array();
var i=0;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #1:<br>No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #2:<br>Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #3:<br>Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #4:<br>Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #5:<br>No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant 'You looked up,' or invoke the wrath of the universe.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #6:<br>The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #7:<br>Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #8:<br>Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #9:<br>Palm trees eat golf balls.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #10:<br>Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You installed a custom seat belt in your car to hold your golf bag.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>The Mayor of Myrtle Beach sends you a birthday card every year.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You celebrate Cinco de Mayo by masquerading as Lee Trevino.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You married your wife because her brother is a scratch golfer and you needed a ringer for the member-guest tournament.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You rake leaves using a Vardon grip.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #11:<br>Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #12: <br>A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #13: <br>All 3-woods are demon-possessed.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #14: <br>Golf balls from the same 'sleeve' tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #15: <br>A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #16: <br>'Nice lag' can usually be translated to 'lousy putt.' Similarly, 'tough break' can usually be translated 'way to miss an easy one, sucker.'";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #17: <br>The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #18: <br>The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #19: <br>Golf should be given up at least twice per month.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="GOLF LAW #20: <br>All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You won't watch baseball because the action's too fast.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You once wrote a poem about divots.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>For light reading, you keep a copy of the Official Rules of Golf on the nightstand.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You relish the thought of turning 30 so you can play the forward tees.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>Despite being fired 8 times, you still refuse to let the boss win.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You've programmed the VCR to tape the latest golf infomercials.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>The Golf Channel televises your garage sales.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You insure your driver for more than your car.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>Your handicap is lower than your doctor's because you spend less time at the office than he does.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You spend more money on sweater vests than you do on food.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You store your putter in a safe-deposit box.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You own more than one logoed umbrella.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You have the pro shop on speed dial.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>Your burial plot is a pot bunker that was designed by Pete Dye.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You whittle your own tees.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>Your clubs fly first-class and your spouse flies coach.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You 'sshuussh' people during a golf telecast.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You buy bug spray and sunscreen by the case from the manufacturer.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You maintain a supply of colored golf balls for snowy days.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You're the only person on a nude beach with a sand wedge in his hand.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You have a ball washer in your laundry room.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You named your daughter Bertha and your son Ping.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You're most famous for being 'the man who stalked Nancy Lopez.'";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>You've ever driven more than a 100 miles to get a good deal on plastic ball markers.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>The sandbox in the yard is not for kids.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="You <i>might</i> be a golf nut if...<br>Your children think all pencils are 3 inches long.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.<p>'Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?' she asked the instructor.<p>'P-u-t-t is correct,' he replied.<p>'Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.";
i++;

thoughts[i]="The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.";
i++;